I guess one way to describe this past week would be that the Lord is completely reshaping my identity. I think I'm impatient...he says no Beloved you are patient. I believe I am called to go this way...he says no girl your going to do this other thing because then you will have to lean on me completely. I see myself as impure, unholy and so far away from His love...he says no Beautiful you are my pure bride, made holy through me and drenched in my love. I am in a season of just saying Yes Lord. Jesus has made me sensitive again to the Holy Spirit and is teaching me to cry. I miss crying. I miss hearing somebody say Jesus and being moved to tears. He is my lover, my best friend...he says my name and I tremble. All I want is more of him.
One of the classes we have begun taking is The Life of David. Honestly right now I am finding this class somewhat overwhelming. However I feel the Lord continually redirecting my mind to listen and my heart to awake whenever our teacher is speaking. The lifestyle of David intrigues me. Imagine kneeling before Christ in his throne room and him pointing at you saying 'this woman is a woman after my own heart'. Wow! David knew how to worship. That's one of the things I love about him. He wrote hundreds of songs that have touched millions of lives. Most importantly his songs moved the heart of our King. I want to learn to worship like David. Holy, undivided worship. Worship to move the heart of my Father and warm the heart of my Groom Jesus.
Some of you who know me quite well know that I have not felt fully satisfied...ever. Don't get me wrong it's not like Jesus hasn't been radically loving me and me him. It's just that it's never felt completely right. Something's always still felt wrong. No matter where I have gone, what I have done my heart has never walked in the fullness of peace in knowing 'this is what I have been created for!'. What if this is it? Maybe God has called this girl who can hardly sit for five minutes to sit hours at his feet being taught by my creator. Could it possibly be that I feel more at home in the Prayer Room interceding for my brothers and sisters around the world then I have ever felt in my own bedroom. I am still exploring this concept with an open mind and open heart. All I can do right now is praise Jesus for allowing me to dwell in this season of complete abandonment as I enjoy pleading for justice to be released on earth and for Jesus to return quickly.
A huge prayer request for me would be that my body would begin to understand my new schedule. I have a really hard time sleeping five hours never mind eight! Because of this I fight being incredibly tired in the prayer room. I hate this because that is what I look forward to all day and night!
Please let me know prayer requests for you! You all uphold me in prayer/finances/support etc I want to pray for you! Have a wonderful week everybody and know that I miss you :)
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