One of my greatest fears in life is that I'm like a brownie. No my brown eyes and hair do not frighten me however I do fear that I am the same through and through. I fear that once I learn something that's it...I've learnt it and there is no capacity within me to go deeper within that knowledge. Therefore if I am returning to something I learnt years ago or possibly only minutes ago I am a failure. I am simply re-doing something that God longed to be completed within me so long ago.
For an example the Lord took me through twelve months quite a while ago of learning and diving deep into the realities and values of living a life of humility. So if I wake up one morning with a deep conviction that I need to start living a life in deeper humility have I failed? Did I not fully understand or have I not been as disciplined as He had wanted me to be in the last few years towards this subject?
The other day the Lord fully reaffirmed me by telling me that He sees me as an onion :) YAYY!! If anybody else would tell me this I am not confident on my response however I knew what He meant! When the Lord brings something back up in your life do you become overwhelmed with shame that you should've been totally done with this years ago? The truth is that Jesus delights in us as human's being onions! He knows that we aren't perfect...and He alone truly knows how far from perfection we actually are. As long as we strive to have a yes in our spirit and tender heart's before Him He will bring us as deep as He can and reveal as much truth as we can handle in the moment. He doesn't see your slow learning and your lack of understanding as a failure. He delights in it, He takes pleasure in our weakness because then we can be a picture of His grace. Praise Jesus that we are onions!!!
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