About a month ago my mom contacted me letting me know that my grandma had been brought to the hospital via ambulance. It seemed as if the move had been so incredibly difficult on my grandma that her mind no longer functioned the way it once had. She was rude to my mom, stubborn as ever and refused to sign any papers to help us further make decisions on caring for her. I began to labour in prayer for her and my heart really began to soften towards her. I have never gotten to know her well seeing as she is actually not my blood grandma but rather married in.
Upon arriving home I've made sure to spend much time with her. She is extremely lonely and honestly my heart breaks for her. She doesn't understand what's going on and often forgets names or in the middle of a story or question will forget what she was trying to say. I've tried numerous times to explain how much we love her and care for her and it's out of that heart that we want to care for her and help her make decisions. She doesn't understand; she doesn't trust us and she thinks we are only trying to hurt her. I rarely leave that hospital room without tears in my eyes. I love her so dearly and all I want is for her to experience abundant life in Christ once again. I want to protect her and make decisions that will allow her to live in a safe and caring environment. She has lived so many years faithfully serving God and it breaks my heart to see bitterness eat away the joy of her salvation in the last few years of her life.
This past Sunday me and my mom went to spend some time with her and upon greeting her immediately I knew something was different. There was a hint of fire in her eyes and her face seemed to shine. She smiled and even apologized for not making us dinner! We spent the time talking about how her and her husband met each other and she in her tender grandmother way reassured me once again that the Lord is faithful and He alone will put the perfect man in my path who will pursue me the same way Christ Himself pursues us daily. We left the ward in a rush with tears streaming down my face. Oh Beloved the Lord is faithful! In the same way He longs for me and you to live in the abundance that He offers us He desire's greatly that the widowed return to their first love even during there last few breath's.
Yesterday when we went to visit her we had to once again talk about her bills that needed to be paid by her own signature and how she needed a Power of Attorney so that we could assure everything gets taken care of. She became so upset and over and over again exclaimed how she simply wanted to go home. We ended our visit holding hands and with tears in her eyes and my own we prayed together that the Lord's will would be done in her life once again.
Jesus has been teaching me much through this opportunity. He has showed me how amidst my stubbornness, disobedience and mistrust He is so desperately in love with me. Still so often I return to Him with shame in my eyes yet He calls us forth in confidence and boldness. I often think He is agree at how little I trust Him and that He is disappointed with my stubborn nature. Yet He reassures me that in the same way love abounds in me towards my grandmother amidst her disobedience so does God's love about towards me amidst my own mistrust. In the same way I am far from frustrated or angry at my grandmother nor is He with me! His heart breaks when I don't choose His way; not simply because He wants His own way but because He longs for me to stay within the protection of His wings. He has so much more for me! He doesn't want me to be deceived or satisfied with the passing pleasures that this world offers. Rather He is offering me more than I could ever wish for or imagine. If only I would trust Him with it all, if only I would waste my adoration on Him.
Just a quick reminder that I am having a short prayer meeting at my place tonight! Feel free to stop by and simply check it out! It is from 7:00 - 8:30 and will be extremely casual to those of you who may not feel comfortable in a formal church setting prayer meeting :) Call me for more information and details! 204-355-4091
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