When life does not go as Planned...

     I have attempted to write this post several times which always ended in highlighting the entire page and hitting the delete button.  I've decided to just get it over with and be extremely raw with all of you.  In fact that's what my blog will be over the next season of my life.  So here we go :)
     Well it's official, instead of finishing this next semester at IHOPU I will be staying home.  As some of you have already heard, my health complications over the past few years seem to have come to an all time high.  My doctor has asked me to stay home and go and see a breast cancer specialist next week.  For my family, simply hearing a diagnoses would be so exciting!  Once you know what's wrong, you know what your dealing with.  However having no answers, that can be extremely frustrating.  Being a 20 year old and being told I'm simply in no condition to go across seas can be annoying, extremely annoying!  I am completely off of my regular 20 pills a day that normally help me get through each day.  This way hopefully the doctors will be able to find the root of my sickness and not just treat the symptoms.  My body is in constant pain and I am always exhausted.  My original plan was to graduate from IHOPU this May, buy a condo and save up money to go on long term missions in a few years.  Now, now my plan is to get through today with an unoffended heart towards my Creator.  Because He loves me, because He saved me, because He is fully sovereign over my sickness, because I really do trust Him, and because He is empowering me today to be a witness of Himself.
     I am fully, 100% convinced that my God could heal me this very instant.  I am fully convinced that if it brought Him the most glory that He would miraculously heal me and I would be as healthy as the other 20 year old down the street.  Yet in this moment, He has not chosen to do that.  Therefore, I am fully convinced that His plan of being glorified through my sickness is greater then my personal dream of being healed.  I am fully convinced, that my present sickness is for my own good.  I am fully convinced, that my sickness is an open door to great communion and intimacy with my Creator.  I really do trust Him.  I am truly overjoyed to be used as a vessel, by His grace, to glorify Christ.  Therefore in sickness or in health, with His empowerment I will waste my life at His feet.  Because He is worthy.  I will continue to ask daily for healing and if He chooses to heal in His mercy, I will worship Him.  If He chooses to not heal me in His sovereignty, and maybe even take me home sooner then planned, I will worship Him forever and ever.